Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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