We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
