why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
