i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
