I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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