Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
