Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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