I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
