It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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