I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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