me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So squirting runs in the family.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
