She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Drake has all the answers
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
