I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Randomize
