You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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