I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
