The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
