he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
