yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
