when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
