I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
