Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
