At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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