Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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