wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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