UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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