It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
