Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
