The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
