Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
