Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How does one acquire holy water?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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