butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
