sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
