I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
