So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
