well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
