Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
