Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
