dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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