I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
