soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
