After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
