Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
