I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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