She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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