I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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