Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
