Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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