OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
