If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
