Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
