but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
