I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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