I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
